"Beginning Again" by Fraz Wright

  

Beginning Again

“If I could stop talking, completely

cease talking for a year, I might begin

to get well,” he muttered.

Off alone again performing

brain surgery on himself

in a small badly lit

room with no mirror. A room

whose floor ceilings and walls

are all mirrors, what a mess

oh my God—

And still

it stands,

the question

not how begin

again, but rather

Why?

So we sit there

together

the mountain

and me, Li Po

said, until only the mountain

remains.

                        -Franz Wright

My first thought about this poem was that it reminds me of Tibetan monks living in silence, hoping to reach enlightenment. I really like the last stanza because it provides picturesque imagery of sitting on top of a mountain, clouds hanging low in the sky, and hearing the beautiful calm of silence. It reminds me of the movie The Bucket List about two men diagnosed with terminal cancer and go on an adventure around the world and do things they never thought they would. I think that final scenes of this movie sum up the poem, “Beginning Again.”



Picture of the summit of Everest - Google Images



The toughest part of the poem for me to get through and understand was in the first stanza when it talks about the room with no mirrors but the ceiling, floor, and walls were all mirrors because it’s a contradiction. As I read and re-read this part of the poem again, one possible explanation could be that the speaker is so focused on trying to do one thing – brain surgery on himself – that the speaker isn’t fully aware his surroundings and that mirrors are all around him, the speaker just has to see them. I also think that the brain surgery is a more a thought of looking inside your own thoughts and trying to make clarity of them.

I feel as though I can relate to this poem as a way to seek solitude because I am an introvert, so when life gets stressful or crazy, I like to be alone with my thoughts to help me calm down and think rationally.

Movie Scene

This was it; the day that will make or break the next month of my life. I could feel the stare of a hundred eyes watching me intently as I tried with all my might to not let my hands shake and my nerves show through. As I went to tee up on the first hole, I prayed hard to the golf gods to make my golf ball go straight and long. I made my swing like I've done a thousand times before and my watched the little white ball soar through the sky and finally land on the green grass where I had hoped it would. Only after the ball landed did I realize that I had been holding my breath and I could finally breathe again. A smile of relief spread over my face and I felt my coach's congratulatory arm sung around my shoulder. Now, all I had to do was repeat that 80 more times.

"To Myself" by W.S. Merwin

My first reaction to this poem was that it needs punctuation because as a reader, it was difficult to differentiate where the breaks in thought were. Beyond that, I came to think that this poem was about change, more specifically about how the author has changed throughout his lifetime because the poem is titled "To Myself".

The line, "...I believe I would know you I keep remembering you sometimes long ago but then other times I am sure you were here a moment before..." really stuck out to me because it reminds me how much I've changed and how far I've come in my short lifetime so far. It reminds me of when I was back in 8th Grade and realizing that high school was going to be only four short years and I would have to pick a college and decide what I want to do for the rest of my life; I was so worried and stressed because I didnt' adapt well to change and I had a huge fear of the unknown. Flash forward to present day and I'm a senior in high school and planning on attending CSU next fall, I still have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life but I'm OK with that for now. Looking back, I can see how much my ideals, thinking, and self-confidence has grown but there's still the moments when I revert back to greatly fearing the unknown, just like the author did in the poem; for a fleeting second, it seems as if I haven't changed at all but in reality, I've changed a lot.

I think that W.S. Merwin wrote this poem because he realizes that change is inevitable and this poem is just a way of solidifying his acceptance of change.

This poem also reminds me of the times that I go back and reread the diary entries that I tried (and failed) to write because it reminds me of how over time, different things become important to me and it's also funny to see my old handwriting and read about how I gave my dog a bath or I how I was worried if one of my friends didn't want to hang out with me anymore. I enjoyed reading this poem because it was humbling to reflect back on the changes in my life and realize how far I've come and how much more I have to go.

First Thoughts

When I first thought about having to read The Kite Runner, I thought it was going to be another book about the Holocaust because in the AP program, we read books and plays to connect with and discover the human element and Holocaust is the quintessential example of the human element. However, The Kite Runner is not about the Holocaust, is about a young boy living in Afghanistan and the regrets and mistakes he made in his lifetime.

One of the themes I picked up on in this book was the questioning of faith; Amir wasn't sure a God existed because Baba didn't believe in a God, Hassan had strong faith because it was instilled in him by Ali, and in the end of the book, it was discovered that Assef had once questioned faith become realizing that God wanted him for something more and Assef uses faith as an excuse to commit unthinkable acts. I was a little disappointed that there was only mention of questioning of faith and not an insight into why that questioning exists; however, I don't believe that was the author's purpose when writing this book, I think the purpose was more of an attempt to show acceptance in life. All of Amir's trials, successes, hopes, dreams, regrets, failures -all of his actions- lead him to where he is today and created the life he has and Amir just has to accept that his present and future is product of his past.